Tornado

My life is spinning out of control, I see my self standing in the eye of the storm and watching everything fly around me. I don't know how to stop it. In the funnel goes doing laundry, cleaning, feeding kids, watching what I eat, finding time to exercise, reading my scriptures, sayin my prayers, teaching my kids, playing with my kids, hanging out with my husband, cleaning the kitchen, vacuuming, keeping four kids and a husband happy, finding time to make me happy, serving others, doing my church calling, calming fighting kids, yelling a lot less, and standing all the while in the middle of the storm trying to stay calm and stress free to reduce the strain on my over enlarged heart. What is one to do? I think I need to start taking up yoga and hire a maid.

And in my storm I stand all alone. Do you ever feel so lonely? So friendless? I do feel very lonely lately. I have many good acquaintances but when it comes down to friends I just feel lacking. Maybe part of it is due to the fact I read a friend's blog this week and she has been sick and she had all kinds of people stop by take her kids for a bit, or call to see how she is doing. I have been sick all week, and had one friend call to "see how we were doing", but in the end wanted to know if my son had gone to school so I could pick up her son. I appreciated the call but wonder if I would have gotten it had she not needed a ride for her son. I just would love someone to call me just to see how I am doing. And I take something back I had two friends call just to see how I was doing. I know I have friends, I just am feeling really lonely and feeling like venting....

I am not saying I am a great friend as of late either. Since having Tman I have been really out of commission, and I try to be a friend, but not sure I have been a good one at that.
I just hate that right now my body is falling a part literally, its hard enough to have a baby but throw in hospitalizations, allergic reactions, heart problems, thyroid problems, and whatever else has been going on with my body, getting the flu this week, it adds up to a year of me not being able to do much. Not that I am trying to excuse myself.

I wish I could do more for others, I want to step outside the eye of my storm and help others, because I know we all feel like we are inside tornadoes, don't we? I at least like to think we all do. I know many times we judge other's perfect lives to our imperfect ones. We all have challenges and trials, and huge storms to go through in this life, we can just all help and make each others a little easier can't we?

And it has to start with me, enough of my pity party!