Thursday, October 30, 2008

Maddie's Whole long Story: I think

The snow cap mountains began to shed their skin, dripping fresh water in the neighboring streams. Dressed in fresh pink blossoms and light green leaves, the trees blew in the breeze. Sweet smell of roses filled the air. Out with the winter sweaters and on with the shorts and tees. Maddy couldn't wait to head out to the family cabin nestled between the rockies. This was her favorite time of year, sitting by the pond with journal in hand sketching the surrounding beauty.

As she drove the winding roads, the life she left behind grew further and further away, driving her closer to the fresh start she needed and planned. It is amazing though how life doesn't always go as one plans. Maddy had met the man of her dreams, or so she thought. Their courtship was too short, sure to not last so all had commented and sadly had come true. She had just received the divorce papers. It was official.

She thought of Tim with fondness and bitterness all rolled up in one. It had only been three short year, but by far the longest three years of her life. She should have seen the signs those first few months they were dating before they were to wed. He just swept her off her feet, only to drop her flat on her face. It began to become hard to hide the bruises the last few months before she finally decided to file for divorce.

With both hands on the wheel, her mind stewing over the divorce, her eyes caught the glimpse of a doe and her fawn in a meadow nibbling on the new foliage. This was a pleasant sight, and one that brought her deep thoughts back to the present moment. "Three years were long enough to stew over him. Time to enjoy the here and now" she told her self, as she began to really enjoy the beauty around her.

Traveling up the tree lined road, she smiled realizing she was free. As the spring brings a fresh look to the earth, so is this move to the family cabin. As she went around the last bend her heart skipped a beat to see the cabin sitting in its little valley. She pulled into the dirt drive, parked the car and opened the door. Looking back in the car at all her personal belongings, she decided to leave them until she looked through the cabin and cleaned out the dust. It had been over a year since anyone had been in there.

She walked to the door, to find that it was open partially. No one was suppose to have been there. No one she knew had the keys. Leary of entering, she pulled out her cell phone pressed 9-1-1, not pressing talk yet, but just in case she was ready. She hated that she always lived in fear. That is what happens when you have been married to a monster for so many years.


Her heart began to race a little faster as she rested her shaking palm on the front door, giving it a little push. "Hello, is someone in here?" whispering slightly kind of in hopes that no one would hear her. With the door just a little more open she peeked her head in. Nothing appeared to be disturbed other than the fact that a few lights were on and the dust sheets were off of the couches and chairs. A blanket of safety en wrapped her as the scent of home made cookies greeted her. "Hello" she said with a bit more confidence and sound.



"Hello Maddie. Welcome home." Auntie Liz said as she greeted Maddie. "Oh I am so glad to see you made it here before dark. I was trying to hurry and clean everything up for you before you got here. I didn't want you to arrive and have to get things settled. I hope you don't mind. Your mother called me and told me you were coming and nothing could have kept me from prepping the place."



"I didn't see your car." Maddie knew that although they were neighbors, the four miles of woods that separated them weren't a quick or easy little walk.



"Oh I know. Fred had to run to town to pick some things up and he dropped me off before he went. He should be back here shortly. As a matter of fact one of the "Things" he is picking up is my nephew William, a nice fellow, charming and just finished graduate school." Auntie Liz mentioned.



Maddie ignored the comments about that guy because the last thing she wanted in her life right now was a single man. "How is Uncle Fred doing?" He really wasn't her uncle nor was Liz her Aunt, but they could of been, all the summers they spent together playing with their kids, family dinners. Oh the memories, those were good times, she thought to her self.



"Well you know he is getting on in years and his diabetes is getting the best of him. We have tried hard to watch our diet and well anyway I don't need to bother you with that information. He is doing well. You will see." Auntie Liz said as she pulled the fresh baked chocolate chip cookies out of the oven and began to put them on a cooling rack.



"Oh it is no bother. You know I love you guys. Sorry I didn't keep in better touch. Life has, well taken me for a ride that I never really thought I'd go on." Maddie said as she looked around at her old and comfortable family home. Her eyes stopped at the picture hanging over the fire place. It brought a smile to her face and a bit of warmth to her heart. In the photograph stood her great grandparents- who gazed at each other in such love, almost as if they were all alone, paying no attention to their four kids on the front porch of the cabin- on the day they moved in. Her grandmother was about five, wearing un-traditionally for her time, short alls. She was practically running off the picture in a blur. The girl couldn't hold still then and now for that matter. Oh her grandmother sure was a fiery lady. Maddie then remembered she needed to call her and let her know she arrived safely. Her thoughts stopped when she heard Liz say something.



"I'm sorry Liz, my mind was drifting down memory lane. " replied Maddie.



"I'm happy to see you smile. Your mom mentioned to me all the heartache you have been through and I am so sorry. I'm just glad you are here and safe. Would you like a cookie." Liz said as she handed the plate full of hot fresh yumminess.



As Liz took off her apron, hanging it on the pantry door, her attention drew to the sound of tires on the gravel driveway. "That must be Fred and William."



Maddie looked at the back wall into the mirror, noticing it needed some dusting and also noticed

her "I've been driving for several hours" hair. Brushing it with her fingers, she turned and headed towards the door with Liz limping behind her.

Liz grew up as an only girl in a family of five boys. She kept up with the best of them. Long before paint balling was around, she and her brothers would go in the woods and shoot tin cans with their BB guns. Once as she was bending over to re-stack the cans one of her brother's friends thought her rear end made a good target, leaving her with a permanent limp. It didn't stop her much though.


As Maddie and Liz walked towards the front door, Maddie stopped dead in her steps. She was unsure why all of a sudden her feet would no longer walk. Her heart began to beat faster. She faked an itchy foot and shooed Aunty Liz out the door, encouraging she would be right behind her. "Take a deep breath." She told herself as she expelled a bunch of air. Filling her lungs with a deep breath through her nostrils she headed out the weathered wood door only to stop there on the porch.

Standing beside the car stood Fred who was talking a mile a minute to Liz about his adventure to town. Fred could always out talk the best of them. Mid sentence he stopped looked up, noticing Maddie halted in the door frame and said "Maddie! Come here you. My you get prettier every time I see you." with waving open arms. "How are you doing?"

Maddie picked up her pace, and landed in the open arms. Planting a kiss on his cheek she said "Oh it is so good to see you," still holding on to him. Tears welded up in her eyes. Embarrassed that she began to cry, she began to blink to make them go away. Tilting her head to her shoulder she wiped the stray tears on her sleeve. "I must of got a little dust in my eye." she commented trying to get the attention off of her.

Uncle Fred could always hit her soft spots. Maybe it is because she lost her father at such a young age, and he seemed to fill the gaps in her father less life. Maybe it was because he truly cared for her and really loved her. It is the first time in a long time, that she actually felt love from a warm embrace. Leaving his grasp, she backed away, putting her hand out to William, who had stood there quietly during this warm homecoming.

"I'm Maddie" she greeted him as cheerfully as she could muster, trying to not make her voice all shaky from nerves and emotions.

"Will is what most my friends call me. Beautiful place you have here."

"Thanks, it is nice to meet you too. I'd show you around, but I just got here myself and it was a long drive. If y'all excuse me, I think I need to go and shower up and take a rest. Thanks again Aunty. So good to see you Fred. Let's do lunch tomorrow ok? And thanks again for cleaning up for me. Nice meeting you Will" Maddie said as she headed to the house, trying not to let them stop her.Her pace was quick and before any of them could finish saying good night the door shut behind her.

Maddie fell against the door, slid down and sat with her back against her door, hugged her knees, resting her chin on them and sobbed. She sat like that for hours, was it really hours? She actually was uncertain, but by the time she composed herself and got up, it was pitch black outside. Seeing Uncle Fred and hearing the love and concern in his voice, seemed to have opened the flood of gates. She had become callous towards the end of her marriage. Tears didn't come so easily anymore. Her heart was so broken. It felt good to just let it all go.

She headed towards the bathroom, which was just off the family room through the master guest bedroom. The room tiled in blue and green glass brought a feeling of serenity. One she hadn't felt in years. In the corner, surrounded by windows rested the original claw foot white tub, modernized with a shower head and curtain. Tonight was a bath night. She lite some candles to not just bring light but scent and symbolically burn away the bad feelings. Reaching her hand under the faucet to check the temperature caused her body to goose bump from the warmth. She eased her body into the water, letting her head fall below blanketing out the world around her.

Asleep with her head against the back of the tub, the candles burnt out, water less than warm, Maddie was awakened by the sound of her cell phone alerting her to a new voice message. "Wow I must have been exhausted to have missed that call" she said out loud as if someone else was in the room with her. She grabbed the teal blue bath sheet hanging on the steel rod. Wrapping it around her wet body, she stepped out of the tub carefully watching her step as to not slip on the wet tile. Holding the top of the two ends together she ran to her night stand where her phone lay charging.

She flipped the phone open, to reveal two annonymous missed calls, one new voice message and the time of 11:45 PM. Seeing the hour, she passed on even listening to the message and instead left the phone to charge. Shivering from the cold crisp mountain air, she headed to her suitcase resting on an antique trunk on the other side of the room. She unzipped the suitcase, pulled out her underwear, her favorite black tap pants and the U t-shirt she had since her freshman orientation of college. Bending over she flipped her hair over, wrapped it in the towel and dressed herself.

Realizing that the only thing she had eaten since lunch was the chocolate chip cookie Liz offered her, she headed to the kitchen to see what she could find to calm her growling belly. Plus she had left every light on in the house she decided it best to turn some off to conserve some energy. Padding her way on the wood floors to the kitchen she switched some lights off.

She stood at the open refrigerator expecting something to jump out at her and tell her "eat me." But nothing did. So she settled for a glass of milk and the cookies sitting on the glass jar on the counter top. Over the kitchen sink was a large window with a view of the lush mountain scenery as well as a nice view of the back porch. As she enjoyed her midnight snack, she was interrupted by the sight of something. It appeared to be the shadow of a person peering around the side of the house. She calmed herself by the thought of the many trees and animals that neighbored her. She'd seen enough horror movies and lived her own to know not to go outside and check it out.

Quickly she ran around turning off lights, locking and re locking windows and doors. Before heading into her room, she grabbed a kitchen knife, a book off the shelf, and shut and locked the door. The knife was for possible protection, and the book, to keep her company as she had napped several times already and freaked herself out sufficiently that she most likely wouldn't be sleeping well that night. After she locked the bedroom door she ran and jumped on the bed and under the covers.

After fluffing the pillows and finding a comfortable spot to rest her head, she grabbed the book off the night stand, and opened to chapter one. Somewhere between the first and second page, she fell asleep. The book fell to the floor with a loud crash. She startled up. Looked towards the ground, saw the book resting, turned off the bed side light and fell back to sleep, only to waken again by the crow of the rooster.

A rooster, what was a rooster doing in the mountains? Maddie didn't know that an acre to the side of her a family bought some land and decided to turn it into a farm. She discovered this as she was enjoying her morning shake of fresh berries, milk and ice. As she sat on the back porch again she saw some movement out of the corner of her eye. Same place she noticed it last night. Being braver by the sun light, she set her drink on the glass round table that needed a washing, and headed to the corner. The trees were cleared on that side, which she hadn't noticed driving up because of the angle of the house. Over a little ways was a scarecrow guarding the freshly rowed fields with tiny tips of green poking up. Even further away she saw a young lady, mid twenties, blond hair, wearing a bath robe watering some flowers on her back porch. She caught Maddie's eyes and waved.

Shutting off her hose, she headed towards Maddie. Out of the open porch door came a two year old little girl in a diaper and messed up pig tails. Deciding not to make the poor gal walk all the way over in her house slippers, Maddie started to meet her half way. "Hello" the young mother called. When they reached each other she said "How are you? Excuse my morning attire, not used to neighbors. I'm Chloe and that little one trailing behind me is Jessie." Jessie ran up and grabbed her mom's legs and hid behind them.

"It is nice to meet you. I am Maddie. You have all done a lot since being her not too long." It had been two years since Maddie last visited the family house.

"We have loved it here. The inside of our house is still a work in progress. But we wanted to get the garden and farm going so we could live off of it. I thought I'd be able to do more before Jessie started moving. But the older she gets the less I get done. Oh well, no big hurry. So how long are you visiting for?" Chloe asked.

"I am not sure, but planning on right now this being my permanent address."

"Oh we are so glad to have neighbors. Would you like some eggs? I was just about to go and gather some and there are always more than we can really eat?"

"I'd love some, but maybe another day. I have to run into town and get some things that I put off getting yesterday on my way up because I was so tired. Will you excuse me? It was nice meeting you and I am sure I will see you around."

"Same, have a great day." Chloe commented as she headed back to her red farm house. She put on her garden shoes and headed towards the coop with Jessie shadowing her.

Maddie went inside, forgetting the rest of her shake on the patio. She grabbed the first thing out of her bag, a black tank top dress, pulled it over her head. Put her brown hair up in a twist bun. Grabbed her keys, her phone and purse and headed out the door. Why was she in such a hurry? She really didn't know but just wanted to get out and get some stuff done. It was rare in her past to be able to just pick up and go, so she was taking advantage of that.

When she pulled up the the market she noticed a pay phone. Which reminded her that she hadn't called her grandmother to let her know that she had made it safely to Pleasant Valley. Instead of using her cell phone, she grabbed a few quarters and dialed the number that had been her grandparents for as long as she could pick up a phone.

Ring. Ring. Ring. "You have reached 345-5512 please leave a message after the beep." the automated voice said.

"Hey Grandmother its me. I am here. Safe. Call me. I love you." She hung up the phone and headed into the market, unaware of the blue chevy that pulled up next to her little red Accord.
Her Secret Life II Poster by Jack Vettriano
Ring. Ring. Ring. "You have reached 345-5512 please leave a message after the beep." the automated voice said.

"Hey Grandmother its me. I am here. Safe. Call me. I love you." She hung up the phone and headed into the market, unaware of the blue chevy that pulled up next to her little red Accord.

The town center clock chimed. Maddie startled at the first cling, then began to count them. Nine. Knowing she left the house in a hurry she was still surprised to be out and about at such an early hour. Glad that the store opened at the early hour of five AM. She entered as a princes with the doors moving away for her, welcoming her in. Off to her right lined up well rested shopping carts. Grabbing one, she placed her purse in the seat where a young child should rest. Placing the purse on the little red seat she remembered that late last night she received a call.

She pressed one, then talk. The automated phone lady told her "You have one new message. You have three saved message. To listen to your new message press on." She followed the prompt.

"New message from 555-345-8811. Hey Maddie, why aren't you answering your phone. I know you are awake." the voice of Tim, left her standing still. Back in the not so good ol' days, she if ever was let to leave the house had to be in by her even earlier than high school curfew of 9 PM. He would always call her promptly at 8:45 to make sure she was on her way home. If she wasn't he always left a nasty message, and greeted her with his fists. She shuttered at the thought that he was checking up on her. Which reminded her that today would be a good day to get a new number.

She browsed through the store, grabbing odds and ends. Some toilet paper, more milk and some fresh fruit, filled her cart. The phone call left her far from hungry. Then she remembered she invited Fred, Liz and what's his name to lunch. She couldn't believe she had forgotten their nephews name. It'd come back to her. As she was stewing over his name, and trying to figure out what to fix for lunch, someone called her name.


She browsed through the store, grabbing odds and ends. Some toilet paper, more milk and some fresh fruit, filled her cart. The phone call left her far from hungry. Then she remembered she invited Fred, Liz and what's his name to lunch. She couldn't believe she had forgotten their nephews name. It'd come back to her. As she was stewing over his name, and trying to figure out what to fix for lunch, someone called her name. Unsure that someone actually said her name, she continued grabbing and dumping.

Maddie jumped as the caller shouted out her name even louder. Not recognizing the caller's voice, she turned hesitantly. There stood Liz's nephew. Great here she was thinking about him wondering what the heck his name was, and there he stood. Standing with his button fly 501 jeans, with a nicely fitted navy blue t-shirt that brought out the blue in his eyes. The florescent lights bounced off the sun kissed high lights of his dark blond hair. For just a brief moment she stared at him.

"Hey, how are you doing?" she said as she worked on remembering his name. "Steve, no Bill? Gosh what is his name" she thought to herself. "I guess I could ask him again, but I don't really want to be flaky." she continued the conversation in his head.

Will interrupted with "I'm doing fine thanks, just picking up a few things for Aunt Liz that Uncle Fred forgot last night."

"Oh that is nice of you." She said as she noticed she was holding a Tampax box in her hand. The red in her cheeks probably was as bright as the noon day son. Quickly discarding the box into the cart, she fumbled to find the words to fill the ever so eternal moment of awkward silence.


"Oh that is nice of you." She said as she noticed she was holding a Tampax box in her hand. The red in her cheeks probably was as bright as the noon day sun. Quickly discarding the box into the cart, she fumbled to find the words to fill the ever so eternal moment of awkward silence. A million things ran through her head, and not one of them made their way to her tongue. She felt more like a deer in headlights than an adult in a grocery store. Luckily for her Will had his own plans to bring some happiness to the situation.
"Hey I hear we are coming over for lunch. Is there anything I can do to help? I make a mean steak on the grill." Ok so he was totally diverting the situation and maturely acting. Score one for Will.
"You know I was just headed over to the meat department to pick up some steaks. I guess great minds think alike." She said as she turned her cart in the other direction and Will followed suit.
After checking out, the bagger loaded her car. She said thanks to him and waved to Will as she got in her car. As she put her hands on the steering wheel, she let out a sigh of relief. It wasn't that bad of a trip. Sitting in the car with her head down, thinking about all she was going to do for lunch prep, a car behind her began to honk, bringing her to attention. At some point she had put the car in reverse, and an eager shopper was awaiting her spot.
Lifting her hand to wave the driver as a "thanks, I'm headed out" she backed out of her spot.
Driving up the mountain roads calmed Maddie. A sense of serenity and calm engulfed her. She surprised herself at how excited she was getting for her lunch guests. She put her foot to the gas pedal a little harder, so she could arrive home a little sooner. As she was winding around the last bend her cell phone rang. "Crap." came out of her mouth, she had forgotten to change her number while in town. Oh well there was always tomorrow.
"Hello" she answered.
"Hey Maddie it's Liz. How are you doing?"
"Great thanks. Are you still planning on coming over for lunch?"
"Yes I was calling to see what time and what we can bring. We hate to improach upon you being that you have only been here a day."
"Oh I look so forward to the company. I will see you at one. And don't worry about bringing anything, unless you are in the mood to make some more cookies. I finished those off last night."
"Sounds good we will see you then."
Maddie pulled up in the driveway. As she got out, grabbing the few bags, she took a deep breath, soaking in the fresh mountain air. The trees canopied the house. The fresh flowers growing in the front beds seemed to greet her with a smile. Life is good she thought.
She unlocked the front door, headed towards the kitchen, and set the bags on the old white speckled Formica counters. As quickly as she could she put the groceries away. She pulled out the tomatoes, lettuce, cucumbers, olives and onions to make a green salad. Chopping away, she heard a knock on the door. Wiping her hands on a towel, she looked to see who it could be. She put the towel by the sink and headed towards the door.
"Coming."
She reached for the door, but before opening she decided to take a peek out the peep hole. There stood Will, holding some flowers and charcoal. Quite a combination she thought.
"Hey how are you? You are early." she said to him as she greeted him in. How presumptuous Maddie thought and yet was very flattered. "Come in."
"I figured you could use some help and the company." Will smiled and winked at her, handing her the spring bouquet of flowers. Maddie nodded a thank you and took them. She rummaged through the cupboards to find a vase. Filled a lavender one with green strips with water. Then placed the flowers in and set them in the center of the table.
"Thank you for the flowers. I am just getting the salad ready. If you don't mind, the BBQ is out the patio door, you could start the coals." pointing with a knife towards the patio door, she tried to urge him outside. She wasn't really up to conversation at the moment.
"I would be happy to." He opened the patio door with one hand while juggling the coals in the other. After setting the bag down on the table, he picked up her breakfast smoothie glass and headed back in the door. With out saying anything about the cup, he set it in the sink. Then he turned towards Maddie and asked "Do you have a light?" then he chuckled. "Sorry that was kind of cheesy wasn't it. Though I have always wanted to say that to a girl and light up a cigarette. I don't smoke but it always seems so romantic and charming on the big screens."
Maddie giggled, opened up the drawer next to the stove and pulled out a box of matches. "Here you go sir." As he grabbed them from her, their hands brushed together, sending chills down Maddie's back. Her hand recoiled. Will didn't notice. Or at least he pretended not to. "Thanks, I'll get the fire going." Maddie thought to herself "You already have."
As Will was attending to the fire, she began to set the table. She opened the hutch filled with her Grandmother's china, not her fine china but her more everyday china. That lady had enough place sets to use a different setting everyday of the week and not repeat. She loved her set that was pale blue with white ribbons rimming the plates. She pulled down the tea cups that matched and decided she'd use them to serve some ice cream in. So she pulled those down with the dinner plates and salad plates.
As she was setting the table, there was another knock at the door. Feeling comfortable in her situation she called "Come in." She assumed it was Liz and Fred. She was wrong. As the door flung open, she gasped and dropped one of her tea cups with a crash, shattering to pieces across the wood floor.

As she was setting the table, there was another knock at the door. Feeling comfortable in her situation she called "Come in." She assumed it was Liz and Fred. She was wrong. As the door flung open, she gasped and dropped one of her tea cups with a crash, shattering to pieces across the wood floor.

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." said the strange middle aged man in overalls, dark brown hair, similar to Tim's, holding an ax. What is a grown man, holding an ax doing in her house? "Oh I am sorry again, I forgot I had this in my hands." he said lifting it up then setting it outside on the porch. "I'm Dan, Chloe's husband. She mentioned you were staying here. I was chopping some firewood. I finished up and noticed that you had some wood that needed some chopping, thought I'd come and see if I could do that for you. I really didn't mean to scare you. I guess I am a little absentminded, and forgot about the fact that I was coming in 'armed.' Here let me help you clean that up."

"Don't worry about it. I am just a little jumpy and clumsy." Maddie said as she swept the shards into her dust pan. Will entered to see if everything was OK.

"Hey I heard a crash is everyone alright" he asked.

"Yes, sorry I am Dan, and totally scared the poor lady half to death. I live next door."

Reaching out his hand to shake Dan's, Will noticed that black soot covered it. He pulled his hand away, wiped it on his leg and said "oh sorry charcoal" as he lifted to show his hand. "It is nice to meet you, I am Will. A friend of the family, more or less."

Maddie cleaned up her broken tea cup, while the guys chatted a bit. Tears began to poor down her face. "Oh no, not again." she thought. She felt like she was her own personal sprinkler system, set on a timer to water ever few hours, for a few hours. As their voices faded in the back ground she flashed back to a day a few weeks into her marriage.

They had just finished up a meal, that was not at all what Tim had wanted. He was mad that she had baked chicken instead of grilling it. The silence during the meal was ear numbing. After Tim's last bite, he shoved his plate towards Maddie, pushed away from the table, and as he headed towards the living room to catch the evening game he said "Don't ever fix that **** again." Maddie cleared the table. After she poured a little Dawn in the sink, she turned the water on. As the sink filled with soap suds, she began to sob, wondering how she had gotten herself into this mess.

With her head down staring at the bubbles, she felt the warmth of Tim's arm wrap around his neck. He pulled her into him, too tight. So tight she was having a hard time breathing. He kissed her cheek, which made her cringe and her whole body tighten. Reflexes made her head turn away from him. He grabbed her face and spinning her towards him. "I am sorry." he said, "you worked hard on making this dinner. I have had a long day at work. I am tired. Can you forgive me?" He seemed to verbally want to make things better, but everything in his body language said something different.

Laughter. Who is laughing. 'Oh I have company.' Maddie remembered as she came to the present. "I am glad to see you getting along so well." she said as she stood up from the floor with a dust pan full of glass and some dust bunnies. She headed over to the garbage can to dump her mess along with her recent memories of a time she wish she could forget.

"Dan, tell Chloe Hi for me. And thanks for chopping my wood. We will see you around I am sure." Maddie called as Dan headed for the door.

After the door shut, Will walked over to Maddie, who was barely standing on her own by the trash can. "Are you ok?" He reached over to brush a tear off her cheek, to which she recoiled.

"Yes. I am so embarrassed, but these were my grandmother's favorite tea cups and I am just sad that I broke one." she sort of lied. It was mostly the truth but not what made her cry. She hadn't known Will long enough to share with him her pathetic sob story. Though she surely felt like she had known him forever. Too bad he never came out to visit his aunt and uncle when they were younger. He was only a year or two younger than her.

"Maybe we can find one on E-Bay. You really can find anything on there." Will try to cheer her up, figuring he couldn't really pry any more.

"I wonder what is keeping Liz and Fred." Maddie changed the subject. The door knocked once more.

"I'll get it. I don't think we can afford any more broken tea cups." Will said as he headed to the door.

With a smile on her face, Maddie chimed, "Very funny." She liked how easy Will made her smile. It really had been too long since she had been around anyone that made her feel at ease and happy for that matter.

Will opened the door, and let in Liz who was carrying a trey of chocolate chip cookies, that must have just come out of the oven because their aroma filled the room, faster than the warm spring air. Will grabbed the cookies from Liz, snatching one and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. He put the trey down on the table. Fred meandered in with a pitcher of lemonade. He never was in a hurry. His motto "slow and steady wins the race."

"Sorry we are late, with my arthritic fingers, it took a long time to squeeze all these lemons." chuckled Fred, as he held up his pitcher of juice. His foot caught on the threshold of the front door, tripping him. Luckily he regained his balance before spilling his lemonade all over the floor. "That was a close one." he said. He headed towards the table and set his pitcher down.

"Wow this place hasn't changed in years." Fred said as he looked around. "You know if you are looking to do some updating, or remodeling, Will is the guy for you. His dad ran a hardware store and did construction on the side, and young Will here was his apprentice, before he decided to go off to school and get one of those fancy degrees. That's alright we will forgive him." Fred playfully slugged Will in the gut, a little harder than he had intended.

Will blushed a little. "I figured I'd better get a degree and some student loan debt to fit into the world a little better. What else needs to be done before lunch?"

"I think it has been awhile since the steaks have been checked on." Maddie said, pointing to the smoking more than normal BBQ grill.

"Oh man, so much for my showing off my grilling skills." Will said as he ran out the patio doors.

"What can I do to help you Maddie." Liz offered as she limped over to the kitchen. She instinctively, filled some glasses with ice and set them on the table before Maddie could tell her everything was fine and that she should just go and have a seat.

Will brought in his not totally burnt but well done steaks to the table. "At least none will be mooing for lunch." he said as he set them down. He pulled out the chair next to Maddie and joined the rest at the table. As he pulled himself into the table his legged brushed against Maddie's. She didn't move away from him, or cringe or shutter.

"Everything looks good. Thanks for joining me for lunch. Let's eat." Maddie said as she put her napkin in her lap.

"Everything looks good. Thanks for joining me for lunch. Let's eat." Maddie said as she put her napkin in her lap.
Maddie grabbed her fork and knife and began to cut into her steak. She tried her best to cut it with out too much of a mess, but the slab of meat was so tough, sweat began to drip down her face. With effort the knife went back and forth until the meat slipped off the plate, and flew half way across the table, knocking some salad off her plate. Everyone seemed to stop and look up. As if on cue they began to giggle.
"I am so sorry, I can't cut my steak."
Maddie's giggle turned to hard laughter, she even snorted. She wasn't alone. The rest of the lunch group caught the bug and were chuckling along with her. They laughed until their bellies hurt. Will adding to the humor, grabbed his steak and asked, "Anyone up for some hockey?"
"At least we got the salad and cookies to eat." Aunt Liz added to the group.
"I am so glad you all joined me for lunch."
"Sorry its not more edible" said Will.
"It's alright my doctor has said I should eliminate red meat from my diet. So thanks for helping me start following doctors orders." Fred commented with a chuckle.
After much banter the group finished up their lunch, what was left to eat. And began to clear the table.
"This was a lot of fun, even if it didn't turn out quite like we had planned. I had a great time." Maddie said as she washed the dishes by hand. Will grabbed the wet plates and dried them off. Liz put them away. Fred, well he wasn't apart of the assembly line, he sat on the recliner and read through a magazine.

After the lunch was over, and all had left. Maddie sat down on her couch and took a huge breath and let it out. She kind of made a noise like a balloon losing its air, and it caused her to chuckle.

She hadn't realized it but she was happy. She wasn't prepared to find such happiness so quickly. Deep down in her gut she knew it couldn't last. It couldn't, could it?

Reaching for the book sitting on the table, she had the feeling that some one was watching her. Must be her mind playing tricks on her, she told herself.

Glancing at the cover of the book, she opened to the first chapter. Not three sentences into it, her phone rang. Which reminded her that she forgot to go and change her number.

While setting the book on the coffee table, she stood up from the couch and headed to her purse that was sitting on the entry way table. Her purse moved a little with each ringing vibration. By the time she made it to the bottom of her purse to retrieve the phone, it stopped ringing. She looked at the screen, "1 missed call" it displayed.

Before she could flip the phone open to see who had rung, it started to ring again. Unprepared for that second ring she jumped a little. Relief came over her as she saw the familiar number.

"Hey mom."

"How are you sweetie?" her mothers warm voice asked.

"Oh great, I just had Fred and Liz over for lunch. Their nephew is staying with them for the summer, and he joined them too. I haven't laughed so hard for so long."

"I am glad to hear it. You do sound happy."

"Thanks. What's up?"

"Oh I just called to see how you are doing. And..."

"And...what? Mom??"

"Well I heard from Tim's mom that he left town yesterday. I don't want to frighten you but want you to be aware."

"I am sure everything will be fine." Maddie tried to calm not only her mom but herself. She glanced around, checking doors and windows. Wondering why she had had that strange feeling earlier. Did he follow her up here?

"Hey Mom, I will be fine. I do have to run though. I have to get into town and change my cell number. I will call you with the new one ok?"

"Alright but be careful. Sweetie, just be prepared for the un expected."

"I will Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

She hung up the phone. Her heart was racing. Be prepared for the unexpected! She knew what she had to do. Before walking out the door she made sure all the doors were locked, window blinds down, and lights on. Grabbing her keys and purse she headed out the door.

As she had her back to the driveway and was locking the front door she heard footsteps up the front steps. Her hand was too shaky to finish locking the door. The keys fell out of her hands and landed with a clank on the wood.

She said a little prayer in her heart, quickly turned around to be startled by the little hand reaching up to her to hand her a flower.

"OH hi Jessie."

"Dis is for you. Me picked it."

"Thank you, that is so sweet of you. Where is your mom?" she asked as she glanced around and noticed Chloe coming around the corner. She was dressed in dark denim jeans and a v-neck lime green tee. As she was approaching she was waving with one hand and holding a bowl in the other.

"Hey Maddie. I made you some cookies. Are you okay? You look like you have seen a ghost."

"Yes thank you. I just startle easy these days." Maddie said, her voice still shaky from the startle.

She bent down and picked up the keys. Chloe handed her the dish of cookies.

"Thank you for the treat. And thank you for my flower. I better go put it in some water and set these in the kitchen. I have to run to town before the shops close." Maddie said. Glad to have an excuse to not chat right now. She had an overwhelming feeling to spill her guts. Now wasn't the time.

"I will stop by later when I get back. " She said has she walked inside and shut the door.

As she was heading for the kitchen she felt a little breeze. It was coming through the back pantry that lead to the side of the house. She cautiously walked through the kitchen and dropped the bowl on the floor, when she saw the pantry outside door ajar. She ran to it, slamming it shut and locking it.

With her back resting on the door, she tried to rationally figure out how it had opened. She must not have locked it. The wind must have forced it open when she opened the front door, sometimes little wind tunnels did that.


Soap Suds and Absentmindness: Maddie

As she was setting the table, there was another knock at the door. Feeling comfortable in her situation she called "Come in." She assumed it was Liz and Fred. She was wrong. As the door flung open, she gasped and dropped one of her tea cups with a crash, shattering to pieces across the wood floor.

"I am so sorry. I didn't mean to startle you." said the strange middle aged man in overalls, dark brown hair, similar to Tim's, holding an ax. What is a grown man, holding an ax doing in her house? "Oh I am sorry again, I forgot I had this in my hands." he said lifting it up then setting it outside on the porch. "I'm Dan, Chloe's husband. She mentioned you were staying here. I was chopping some firewood. I finished up and noticed that you had some wood that needed some chopping, thought I'd come and see if I could do that for you. I really didn't mean to scare you. I guess I am a little absentminded, and forgot about the fact that I was coming in 'armed.' Here let me help you clean that up."

"Don't worry about it. I am just a little jumpy and clumsy." Maddie said as she swept the shards into her dust pan. Will entered to see if everything was OK.

"Hey I heard a crash is everyone alright" he asked.

"Yes, sorry I am Dan, and totally scared the poor lady half to death. I live next door."

Reaching out his hand to shake Dan's, Will noticed that black soot covered it. He pulled his hand away, wiped it on his leg and said "oh sorry charcoal" as he lifted to show his hand. "It is nice to meet you, I am Will. A friend of the family, more or less."

Maddie cleaned up her broken tea cup, while the guys chatted a bit. Tears began to poor down her face. "Oh no, not again." she thought. She felt like she was her own personal sprinkler system, set on a timer to water ever few hours, for a few hours. As their voices faded in the back ground she flashed back to a day a few weeks into her marriage.

They had just finished up a meal, that was not at all what Tim had wanted. He was mad that she had baked chicken instead of grilling it. The silence during the meal was ear numbing. After Tim's last bite, he shoved his plate towards Maddie, pushed away from the table, and as he headed towards the living room to catch the evening game he said "Don't ever fix that **** again." Maddie cleared the table. After she poured a little Dawn in the sink, she turned the water on. As the sink filled with soap suds, she began to sob, wondering how she had gotten herself into this mess.

With her head down staring at the bubbles, she felt the warmth of Tim's arm wrap around his neck. He pulled her into him, too tight. So tight she was having a hard time breathing. He kissed her cheek, which made her cringe and her whole body tighten. Reflexes made her head turn away from him. He grabbed her face and spinning her towards him. "I am sorry." he said, "you worked hard on making this dinner. I have had a long day at work. I am tired. Can you forgive me?" He seemed to verbally want to make things better, but everything in his body language said something different.

Laughter. Who is laughing. 'Oh I have company.' Maddie remembered as she came to the present. "I am glad to see you getting along so well." she said as she stood up from the floor with a dust pan full of glass and some dust bunnies. She headed over to the garbage can to dump her mess along with her recent memories of a time she wish she could forget.

"Dan, tell Chloe Hi for me. And thanks for chopping my wood. We will see you around I am sure." Maddie called as Dan headed for the door.

After the door shut, Will walked over to Maddie, who was barely standing on her own by the trash can. "Are you ok?" He reached over to brush a tear off her cheek, to which she recoiled.

"Yes. I am so embarrassed, but these were my grandmother's favorite tea cups and I am just sad that I broke one." she sort of lied. It was mostly the truth but not what made her cry. She hadn't known Will long enough to share with him her pathetic sob story. Though she surely felt like she had known him forever. Too bad he never came out to visit his aunt and uncle when they were younger. He was only a year or two younger than her.

"Maybe we can find one on E-Bay. You really can find anything on there." Will try to cheer her up, figuring he couldn't really pry any more.

"I wonder what is keeping Liz and Fred." Maddie changed the subject. The door knocked once more.

"I'll get it. I don't think we can afford any more broken tea cups." Will said as he headed to the door.

With a smile on her face, Maddie chimed, "Very funny." She liked how easy Will made her smile. It really had been too long since she had been around anyone that made her feel at ease and happy for that matter.

Will opened the door, and let in Liz who was carrying a trey of chocolate chip cookies, that must have just come out of the oven because their aroma filled the room, faster than the warm spring air. Will grabbed the cookies from Liz, snatching one and shoving the whole thing in his mouth. He put the trey down on the table. Fred meandered in with a pitcher of lemonade. He never was in a hurry. His motto "slow and steady wins the race."

"Sorry we are late, with my arthritic fingers, it took a long time to squeeze all these lemons." chuckled Fred, as he held up his pitcher of juice. His foot caught on the threshold of the front door, tripping him. Luckily he regained his balance before spilling his lemonade all over the floor. "That was a close one." he said. He headed towards the table and set his pitcher down.

"Wow this place hasn't changed in years." Fred said as he looked around. "You know if you are looking to do some updating, or remodeling, Will is the guy for you. His dad ran a hardware store and did construction on the side, and young Will here was his apprentice, before he decided to go off to school and get one of those fancy degrees. That's alright we will forgive him." Fred playfully slugged Will in the gut, a little harder than he had intended.

Will blushed a little. "I figured I'd better get a degree and some student loan debt to fit into the world a little better. What else needs to be done before lunch?"

"I think it has been awhile since the steaks have been checked on." Maddie said, pointing to the smoking more than normal BBQ grill.

"Oh man, so much for my showing off my grilling skills." Will said as he ran out the patio doors.

"What can I do to help you Maddie." Liz offered as she limped over to the kitchen. She instinctively, filled some glasses with ice and set them on the table before Maddie could tell her everything was fine and that she should just go and have a seat.

Will brought in his not totally burnt but well done steaks to the table. "At least none will be mooing for lunch." he said as he set them down. He pulled out the chair next to Maddie and joined the rest at the table. As he pulled himself into the table his legged brushed against Maddie's. She didn't move away from him, or cringe or shutter.

"Everything looks good. Thanks for joining me for lunch. Let's eat." Maddie said as she put her napkin in her lap.

Discombobulation

I can't say the word let alone spell it, but I am in such a state of discombobulation.
Yeah really, if you don't believe me, look around my house. Kids sleeping on the floor, husband's, wait what is that a husband? not that we see him much, shoes on the floor.
Did I just step in bird poop?? Who left the back patio door open?
If you take your clothes off and they are dirty do they go on the floor??
I don't know where your favorite shorts are. If they are not in your drawer than they are in the dirty clothes....Oh they aren't there did you check under your bed? Or how about under the couch.
Trip fall.
Did you not see your brother crawling under your feet.
Watch out before shutting the door....WHAAAAA...Timmy's hand is there.
Emails, how many unread emails....couldn't be 517...I need to read them.
Bannngggg...what the heck? Timmy get out of the oven drawer, stop throwing the pans on the floor.
"MOMMMMMMMM"

Colonoscopy


Because I know you like to know this is a true story as far as my memory serves me correctly: some details have been enhanced for your laughter and enjoyment..yeah right is there laughter involved in a colonoscopy? well with out further adieu the true story of my first colonoscopy.
They didn't call me Sister Job for no reason on my mission. I think having a stove blow up on me, getting a wisdom tooth pulled with no meds, going into anaphalyacitic shock, getting rashes, pneumonia, bronchitis, to name a few things that happened to me the first few months of my mission, I think earned me my name.
When I got to the point where I had to run to a bathroom praying that I didn't mess my pants (sorry) I knew I probably should be a little concerned. The cramping and the almost no warning about did me in.
One day we were in the middle of a discussion. The investigators asked me if I was ok. I was trying to hurry through the discussion so that I could run home to use our restroom. Well my body wasn't going to hold out that long. So I did what I didn't like to do, borrow someone's bathroom.
I went into their restroom, with my upset stomach and did my duty. Well to my chagrin there was no TP and this was definitely a TP moment. I called to my comp to bring me my black bag. She did and I pulled out the only paper product I could find, post it notes. Yes I used yellow sticky post it notes to wipe my bum. I am sure I still have paper cut scars to show for it.
Then, I had to flush the toilet. This instant, not un common in Brazil, there was no flusher, no tank. Which meant you had to fill a bucket with water and dump it in the toilet. Not a huge deal, used to it at this point. The problem was there was no sink in the water closet, but a shower head. So I turned on the shower head, and well it poured all over me and barely filled my bucket. By the time I got everything flushed and my hands washed, I was drenched not only with shower water but sweat.
When I walked out of the bathroom, the family asked me if I had decided to take a shower. Something I probably would have laughed at if I wasn't feeling so crappy. I said my thanks and we left.
After getting home I decided it was time to figure out what was going on with my intestines and called the mission president's wife. She set me up an appointment with the doctor. After visiting them, they figured I had some kind of bug in my intestines and needed a colonoscopy ASAP.
I left the office with a prescription for some IV bag fluid and laxatives. The night before the procedure I was to take, count them 6 laxatives and drink one IV bag. That went down not so easily. By 3 AM I was running to the restroom more than I had been before. By six am, and twelve bathroom trips later, I had to drink the other IV bag, and take 3 more laxatives. By the time 10 am rolled around, I just couldn't believe anything possibly could still leave my body.
Our AP's picked me up to take me to the hospital for the procedure. I only had to stop twice before getting there. They asked if we could stop by a wine store and buy me a cork. I laughed but told them it wasn't very funny.
I decided by the time we got the hospital there couldn't possibly any more bugs in me because they could not have held on.
No one had prepared me for how uncomfortable this procedure was going to be. Did I get any meds? I don't know. All I remember is laying down on a table, bearing my bum, and feeling like I was going to puke all over the table. I was able to hold it for a bit.
The uncomfortableness was over, well not totally because I hopped off the table and ran to the restroom, where my stomach couldn't hold on to its acids. And my rear end couldn't hold on to anything down there. So sitting on the toilet and holding a trash can, I finally got rid of all IV fluids and laxatives.

Maddie

"Everything looks good. Thanks for joining me for lunch. Let's eat." Maddie said as she put her napkin in her lap.
Maddie grabbed her fork and knife and began to cut into her steak. She tried her best to cut it with out too much of a mess, but the slab of meat was so tough, sweat began to drip down her face. With effort the knife went back and forth until the meat slipped off the plate, and flew half way across the table, knocking some salad off her plate. Everyone seemed to stop and look up. As if on cue they began to giggle.
"I am so sorry, I can't cut my steak."
Maddie's giggle turned to hard laughter, she even snorted. She wasn't alone. The rest of the lunch group caught the bug and were chuckling along with her. They laughed until their bellies hurt. Will adding to the humor, grabbed his steak and asked, "Anyone up for some hockey?"
"At least we got the salad and cookies to eat." Aunt Liz added to the group.
"I am so glad you all joined me for lunch."
"Sorry its not more edible" said Will.
"It's alright my doctor has said I should eliminate red meat from my diet. So thanks for helping me start following doctors orders." Fred commented with a chuckle.
After much banter the group finished up their lunch, what was left to eat. And began to clear the table.
"This was a lot of fun, even if it didn't turn out quite like we had planned. I had a great time." Maddie said as she washed the dishes by hand. Will grabbed the wet plates and dried them off. Liz put them away. Fred, well he wasn't apart of the assembly line, he sat on the recliner and read through a magazine.

Prepared: Maddie

After the lunch was over, and all had left. Maddie sat down on her couch and took a huge breath and let it out. She kind of made a noise like a balloon losing its air, and it caused her to chuckle.

She hadn't realized it but she was happy. She wasn't prepared to find such happiness so quickly. Deep down in her gut she knew it couldn't last. It couldn't, could it?

Reaching for the book sitting on the table, she had the feeling that some one was watching her. Must be her mind playing tricks on her, she told herself.

Glancing at the cover of the book, she opened to the first chapter. Not three sentences into it, her phone rang. Which reminded her that she forgot to go and change her number.

While setting the book on the coffee table, she stood up from the couch and headed to her purse that was sitting on the entry way table. Her purse moved a little with each ringing vibration. By the time she made it to the bottom of her purse to retrieve the phone, it stopped ringing. She looked at the screen, "1 missed call" it displayed.

Before she could flip the phone open to see who had rung, it started to ring again. Unprepared for that second ring she jumped a little. Relief came over her as she saw the familiar number.

"Hey mom."

"How are you sweetie?" her mothers warm voice asked.

"Oh great, I just had Fred and Liz over for lunch. Their nephew is staying with them for the summer, and he joined them too. I haven't laughed so hard for so long."

"I am glad to hear it. You do sound happy."

"Thanks. What's up?"

"Oh I just called to see how you are doing. And..."

"And...what? Mom??"

"Well I heard from Tim's mom that he left town yesterday. I don't want to frighten you but want you to be aware."

"I am sure everything will be fine." Maddie tried to calm not only her mom but herself. She glanced around, checking doors and windows. Wondering why she had had that strange feeling earlier. Did he follow her up here?

"Hey Mom, I will be fine. I do have to run though. I have to get into town and change my cell number. I will call you with the new one ok?"

"Alright but be careful. Sweetie, just be prepared for the un expected."

"I will Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

She hung up the phone. Her heart was racing. Be prepared for the unexpected! She knew what she had to do. Before walking out the door she made sure all the doors were locked, window blinds down, and lights on. Grabbing her keys and purse she headed out the door.

As she had her back to the driveway and was locking the front door she heard footsteps up the front steps. Her hand was too shaky to finish locking the door. The keys fell out of her hands and landed with a clank on the wood.

She said a little prayer in her heart, quickly turned around to be startled by the little hand reaching up to her to hand her a flower.

"OH hi Jessie."

"Dis is for you. Me picked it."

"Thank you, that is so sweet of you. Where is your mom?" she asked as she glanced around and noticed Chloe coming around the corner. She was dressed in dark denim jeans and a v-neck lime green tee. As she was approaching she was waving with one hand and holding a bowl in the other.

"Hey Maddie. I made you some cookies. Are you okay? You look like you have seen a ghost."

"Yes thank you. I just startle easy these days." Maddie said, her voice still shaky from the startle.

She bent down and picked up the keys. Chloe handed her the dish of cookies.

"Thank you for the treat. And thank you for my flower. I better go put it in some water and set these in the kitchen. I have to run to town before the shops close." Maddie said. Glad to have an excuse to not chat right now. She had an overwhelming feeling to spill her guts. Now wasn't the time.

"I will stop by later when I get back. " She said has she walked inside and shut the door.

As she was heading for the kitchen she felt a little breeze. It was coming through the back pantry that lead to the side of the house. She cautiously walked through the kitchen and dropped the bowl on the floor, when she saw the pantry outside door ajar. She ran to it, slamming it shut and locking it.

With her back resting on the door, she tried to rationally figure out how it had opened. She must not have locked it. The wind must have forced it open when she opened the front door, sometimes little wind tunnels did that.

Rain

One of my favorite sounds is rain pelting on a roof, hitting so hard, you think one might break through and land on your head.

One of my favorite smells is a hot sidewalk after a summer rain, there is just something so refreshing about it. As if it has cleaned the air and the sidewalk and everything is all knew. If it is hot enough you can feel the rain water evaporating off of the streets.

One of my favorite sights is rain coming down in sheets and occasionally being blasted away by wind, turning it on its side.

One of my favorite feelings is that of rain dripping on my tongue, drizzling on my body.

I love rain. I love water in almost all its forms.

Rain. Lakes. Pools. Streams. Oceans. Rivers. Showers. Ice. Snow. Drinking water.

H2O what an amazing thing.

childhood

If only I could bottle up childhood and sell it, I'd be a millionaire. Why is it that we have to grow up and worry about things?

I mean I have a debit card, isn't there always money on the other end? (looking at the nation's debt though maybe many of us haven't grown up to know that).

Can't I just eat some ice cream and yummy food and not wake up in the morning worrying about hitting the gym to run, because my goodness I will be playing chase all day and not bother to eat much because I am not hungry.

As a child, I can fall down and brush off the dirt and get up and go again instead of worrying if someone saw me and feel embarrassed.

I can cry for my mommy and in an instant she will be there to make it all better.

Being a child, even though we don't like it, someone pretty much always tells you what to do. I don't have to worry about making decisions or choices.

But as carefree as childhood seems, we'd never progress if we stayed there....kind of a bummer we have to learn and grow, but its all part of the plan and hey at least we get wiser...or at least we should.

Tools

"Oh tool-dles!" the kids yell and a back pack appears filled with many items: a flashlight, screwdriver, book, chapstick and a shovel. "Which item do we need to help Minnie dig a hole?"
"A shovel."
"that's correct a shovel helps us dig." Said Mickey.
Wouldn't life be grand if we could just yell "oh tooldles" and out appears a little back pack with some items, one of which is the obvious correct one to choose from?
Well we kind of do. Heaven Father sent us to earth with our own "tooldles", the scriptures and prayer. All we have to do is open the scriptures, read and pray and the answer will be there.
The choice is ours.
Life is kind of great that way considering all the choices we get to make.

Self Made Prison

Cold, dark and dampness surround me. Smells of chocolate fill the air. Chip crumbs cover the floor. Laughter and chatter shut out the silence. Armed with spoons, I sit and wait. Emotions are high. Stress beckons me near. I sit. I stare. I eat. Blindly. Unaware of what enters in. Hurriedly I shovel. Can't let anyone see me consume the calories. Can't let anyone see my pain. Can't let anyone know of my heartache. Can't bare to share.
Shoveling faster as the sound of little foot steps running towards me become louder.
"Mom, Mom, where are you?" I hear. I don't answer. I keep eating. Hiding in my cave. My mom's den, I like to call it.
Oh brain freeze. Eat faster. Eat faster. Finished. I wipe the remains of chocolate ice cream from lips and chin. Ok I lick the bowl too. Wipe my face again.
"I am coming." I say as I leave my little cave, that imprisons me. That keeps me from my goals. My desire to be healthier. Look better. Feel better. My cave, that keeps me locked out from the real world, but comforts me all the same.

Columbus: Sally's Tale

"1492 Columbus sailed the Ocean Blue." Recited Jimmy as he ran around the house, homemade sail boat in hand. He was such a cute little boy with blond curly hair, still carrying around a little extra baby chub in his cheeks.

His mom Lisa watched over her energetic five year old, wondering how the rest of that little jingle went that she had learned as well in elementary school. Did it have something about the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria? Were those even the right names? Why was she worrying about this? She asked herself as she looked back down at her desk and the papers staring back at her.

How could Jimmy be so carefree, when she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. A good sign of a good mom has to be one where the kids don't know the trouble they are in. Their very financial situation was daunting.

James, her high school sweetheart, recently passed away. Sally, who had been a stay at home mom since she graduated from school, had no work experience. How was she to pay the bills? They were so young. Life still much ahead of them. They shared dreams. None of which included her being a widow at 25.

Looking at the past due statements made her wish she could hop on the flying sailboat in her house and leave this moment. Oh how she wished she was five, running around with only the cares of which toy to play with.

She knew that the only way out of this mess right now was to pick up the phone. She hadn't spoken to her parents since the day they forbade her to marry James. The day she ran away and eloped despite them. She hadn't even called to tell them that three months ago her love of her life was killed in a car crash.

The black receiver resting on the desk seemed to pulsate and grow larger as she looked back and forth between it and the bills past due. She reached for it. Sweat dripping down her face. Tears soaking her cheeks. Nervous jittery fingers pressed out the memorized number. After what felt like an eternity and only two rings she heard that sweet familiar voice.

"Hello Dalton's residence." Greeted Kay, her mom. She had always been so formal.

Sally couldn't speak, her throat filled with sobs.

"Hello, who is this. Are you okay?" Kay asked as she heard silence and tears in the receiver.

'I can't do this' Sally thought to herself and hung up. Grabbing the tissue from the red floral box, she wiped her eyes, blew her nose and began to sob into her hands.

"Mommy, Mommy are you okay? Do you miss Daddy today? I do. I wish he could help me finish painting my boat." The little boy looked with his giant blue eyes straight into his mom's face, grabbed his hands and put them on her cheeks. "I love you, Mom." He said as he gave her a gentle kiss. He hopped off her lap and started to walk away. Such a sweet little guy. She loved him so much.

"I love you too! Very much so." She couldn't even explain to anyone the love she felt for her boy. A mother's love is so strong. She began to cry harder. Her mother had to still love her right? Even if it had been six years since they last spoke. Sitting up a little higher in her chair she reached once again for the phone.

After just one ring she again heard that familiar voice.

"Hi....Mom...It's......me.....Sally." She words came out, a little shaky but out they came.

"Oh Sally!! Oh sweet Sally, I am so happy to hear your voice. How are you? You don't sound well. What is going on?" Even after the distance, her mother still knew her well.

Burdens Made Light: Sally

With out hesitation she blurted out "James died, Mom." Which was followed by loud hard sobs.

"Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. How? When?" Sally's mom Ann asked and then waited for what was about five minutes for her daughter to answer.

"Mom its been three months. He was driving home from work. Another car hit him." She managed to say between deep breaths and gasps for air.

"Oh Sally, I am so sorry. I wish you had called sooner. What can we do for you." Ann was always willing to help and take care of people. Even if her daughter had married too young and with out their consent, she still loved her. She wanted to comfort her some how. She wished she could just reach out and hug her, give her a kiss and put a bandaid on her wounds and send her back out to play. Gone were those days and years. Years, it has been years since she had even spoken to her. If only she hadn't pushed her daughter away.

"Sally where are you living? I am going to come see you."

"Mom we live in Pleasanton, but you don't have to do that." Pleasanton was about six hours north by car of Sunnyvale.

"Yes I am." There never was any use telling her mom no, she never took it for an answer anyway, which is why they hadn't spoken for six years.

"Ok, I'd love to see you. But there is one other thing. I hate to ask. You did ask if there was anything I need. Well we didn't have a life insurance policy for James, and I have spent our savings already on paying everything." Sally began to explain. How do you not talk to someone for six years and then just ask them for money. Sally needed more than money from her mom right now too.

"Sweetie, I will be happy to help you out with anything. Can it wait until I get there? I am going to pack my bags and head out. As soon as you give me directions that is."

Address was given and good-byes where said.

Sally put down the phone, and lay her head on the desk on top of her folded arms. She cried. She even said a little prayer, thanking God for helping her make that call, for her mom in being quick to assist. She felt a calm comfort drape over her shoulders as if someone had just put a blanket over her back replacing the weight that seemed to be resting on them. This brought her a feeling that everything was going to be alright. It had to be.