Freewrite- Pea

Potty humor comes easy when living with four small kids, and one large one. We're sitting at our dinner table tonight enjoying a last minute thrown together meal by me. Part of the dinner, the green part, includes sweet petite green peas, a personal favorite of Eric's. So much so, he very carefully shovels a few fork fulls onto each of his surrounding children's plates with out them noticing. Oh but I notice, shame on him. As we are finishing up this wonderful meal, consisting also of some open cans of fruit on the table, Eric asks if he can be excused from the table, I look at him a little in shock, one because he's asking me to be excused and two well he is asking to be excused. Before I can muddle out a reply Gregory says "not before I pee out of my eye." I look at him "What?"

Gregory carefully takes a pea and holds it to his eye and pops it to Eric. Well Eric can't be topped by a six year old with an inappropriate table manner, so he pops a pea in his mouth, and then starts snorting and blowing, and he "pees out a pea" from his nose, along with some other stuff, causing me to just want to get up from the table a puke.

I wish the story ends here but something about kids they kind of like to make true the saying "monkey see monkey do." So Gregory following his dad's lead, though taking a short cut, sticks a pea up his nose and then snorts it out. At this point I am totally bewildered can't think of anything to say or do.

Emily takes care of that for me. She grabs a little pea and sticks it into her tiny little nostril. She giggles and makes a little "heh" with her nose, mind you being only two she really hasn't mastered the art of nose blowing. You should have seen her little nose with the bulging little green ball clogging her narrow nostril. I give her encouraging blows from my nose, hoping she will try to blow it out her self. I know that I can not get it out by picking it because it will only lodge it further into her nasal cavity. Emily decides she's going to take her little finger and retrieve the foreign body. However, each attempt the green mass gets smaller and smaller, until we no longer see it. Great! We are gonna have to spend $100 at the ER to get it removed.

I decide to call my mother in law to thank her for her well raising of my husband, while Eric looks through the cupboards. As I explainto my mother in law the details of the evening, Eric pulls out a toothpick and gently extracts the pea. Yeah for us! Then Helga, my mother in law, tells me that Gregory asked her the other day if she taught his dad all the funny things he knows. She had to explain to him that many things he just learned on his own. I think sticking peas up his nose was one of those things he taught himself.

Though if you ask Eric it was really Gregory who taught Emily, or showed Emily how to stick the pea up her nose, because if you remember correctly Gregory literally stuck the pea in his nose, where Eric went a whole other route.

Moral of the story, one can't make their eye pee but one sure can make their nose pea.