Prepared: Maddie

After the lunch was over, and all had left. Maddie sat down on her couch and took a huge breath and let it out. She kind of made a noise like a balloon losing its air, and it caused her to chuckle.

She hadn't realized it but she was happy. She wasn't prepared to find such happiness so quickly. Deep down in her gut she knew it couldn't last. It couldn't, could it?

Reaching for the book sitting on the table, she had the feeling that some one was watching her. Must be her mind playing tricks on her, she told herself.

Glancing at the cover of the book, she opened to the first chapter. Not three sentences into it, her phone rang. Which reminded her that she forgot to go and change her number.

While setting the book on the coffee table, she stood up from the couch and headed to her purse that was sitting on the entry way table. Her purse moved a little with each ringing vibration. By the time she made it to the bottom of her purse to retrieve the phone, it stopped ringing. She looked at the screen, "1 missed call" it displayed.

Before she could flip the phone open to see who had rung, it started to ring again. Unprepared for that second ring she jumped a little. Relief came over her as she saw the familiar number.

"Hey mom."

"How are you sweetie?" her mothers warm voice asked.

"Oh great, I just had Fred and Liz over for lunch. Their nephew is staying with them for the summer, and he joined them too. I haven't laughed so hard for so long."

"I am glad to hear it. You do sound happy."

"Thanks. What's up?"

"Oh I just called to see how you are doing. And..."

"And...what? Mom??"

"Well I heard from Tim's mom that he left town yesterday. I don't want to frighten you but want you to be aware."

"I am sure everything will be fine." Maddie tried to calm not only her mom but herself. She glanced around, checking doors and windows. Wondering why she had had that strange feeling earlier. Did he follow her up here?

"Hey Mom, I will be fine. I do have to run though. I have to get into town and change my cell number. I will call you with the new one ok?"

"Alright but be careful. Sweetie, just be prepared for the un expected."

"I will Mom. Love you."

"Love you too."

She hung up the phone. Her heart was racing. Be prepared for the unexpected! She knew what she had to do. Before walking out the door she made sure all the doors were locked, window blinds down, and lights on. Grabbing her keys and purse she headed out the door.

As she had her back to the driveway and was locking the front door she heard footsteps up the front steps. Her hand was too shaky to finish locking the door. The keys fell out of her hands and landed with a clank on the wood.

She said a little prayer in her heart, quickly turned around to be startled by the little hand reaching up to her to hand her a flower.

"OH hi Jessie."

"Dis is for you. Me picked it."

"Thank you, that is so sweet of you. Where is your mom?" she asked as she glanced around and noticed Chloe coming around the corner. She was dressed in dark denim jeans and a v-neck lime green tee. As she was approaching she was waving with one hand and holding a bowl in the other.

"Hey Maddie. I made you some cookies. Are you okay? You look like you have seen a ghost."

"Yes thank you. I just startle easy these days." Maddie said, her voice still shaky from the startle.

She bent down and picked up the keys. Chloe handed her the dish of cookies.

"Thank you for the treat. And thank you for my flower. I better go put it in some water and set these in the kitchen. I have to run to town before the shops close." Maddie said. Glad to have an excuse to not chat right now. She had an overwhelming feeling to spill her guts. Now wasn't the time.

"I will stop by later when I get back. " She said has she walked inside and shut the door.

As she was heading for the kitchen she felt a little breeze. It was coming through the back pantry that lead to the side of the house. She cautiously walked through the kitchen and dropped the bowl on the floor, when she saw the pantry outside door ajar. She ran to it, slamming it shut and locking it.

With her back resting on the door, she tried to rationally figure out how it had opened. She must not have locked it. The wind must have forced it open when she opened the front door, sometimes little wind tunnels did that.

Rain

One of my favorite sounds is rain pelting on a roof, hitting so hard, you think one might break through and land on your head.

One of my favorite smells is a hot sidewalk after a summer rain, there is just something so refreshing about it. As if it has cleaned the air and the sidewalk and everything is all knew. If it is hot enough you can feel the rain water evaporating off of the streets.

One of my favorite sights is rain coming down in sheets and occasionally being blasted away by wind, turning it on its side.

One of my favorite feelings is that of rain dripping on my tongue, drizzling on my body.

I love rain. I love water in almost all its forms.

Rain. Lakes. Pools. Streams. Oceans. Rivers. Showers. Ice. Snow. Drinking water.

H2O what an amazing thing.

childhood

If only I could bottle up childhood and sell it, I'd be a millionaire. Why is it that we have to grow up and worry about things?

I mean I have a debit card, isn't there always money on the other end? (looking at the nation's debt though maybe many of us haven't grown up to know that).

Can't I just eat some ice cream and yummy food and not wake up in the morning worrying about hitting the gym to run, because my goodness I will be playing chase all day and not bother to eat much because I am not hungry.

As a child, I can fall down and brush off the dirt and get up and go again instead of worrying if someone saw me and feel embarrassed.

I can cry for my mommy and in an instant she will be there to make it all better.

Being a child, even though we don't like it, someone pretty much always tells you what to do. I don't have to worry about making decisions or choices.

But as carefree as childhood seems, we'd never progress if we stayed there....kind of a bummer we have to learn and grow, but its all part of the plan and hey at least we get wiser...or at least we should.

Tools

"Oh tool-dles!" the kids yell and a back pack appears filled with many items: a flashlight, screwdriver, book, chapstick and a shovel. "Which item do we need to help Minnie dig a hole?"

"A shovel."

"that's correct a shovel helps us dig." Said Mickey.

Wouldn't life be grand if we could just yell "oh tooldles" and out appears a little back pack with some items, one of which is the obvious correct one to choose from?

Well we kind of do. Heaven Father sent us to earth with our own "tooldles", the scriptures and prayer. All we have to do is open the scriptures, read and pray and the answer will be there.

The choice is ours.

Life is kind of great that way considering all the choices we get to make.

Self Made Prison

Cold, dark and dampness surround me. Smells of chocolate fill the air. Chip crumbs cover the floor. Laughter and chatter shut out the silence. Armed with spoons, I sit and wait. Emotions are high. Stress beckons me near. I sit. I stare. I eat. Blindly. Unaware of what enters in. Hurriedly I shovel. Can't let anyone see me consume the calories. Can't let anyone see my pain. Can't let anyone know of my heartache. Can't bare to share.

Shoveling faster as the sound of little foot steps running towards me become louder.

"Mom, Mom, where are you?" I hear. I don't answer. I keep eating. Hiding in my cave. My mom's den, I like to call it.

Oh brain freeze. Eat faster. Eat faster. Finished. I wipe the remains of chocolate ice cream from lips and chin. Ok I lick the bowl too. Wipe my face again.

"I am coming." I say as I leave my little cave, that imprisons me. That keeps me from my goals. My desire to be healthier. Look better. Feel better. My cave, that keeps me locked out from the real world, but comforts me all the same.

Columbus: Sally's Tale

"1492 Columbus sailed the Ocean Blue." Recited Jimmy as he ran around the house, homemade sail boat in hand. He was such a cute little boy with blond curly hair, still carrying around a little extra baby chub in his cheeks.

His mom Lisa watched over her energetic five year old, wondering how the rest of that little jingle went that she had learned as well in elementary school. Did it have something about the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria? Were those even the right names? Why was she worrying about this? She asked herself as she looked back down at her desk and the papers staring back at her.

How could Jimmy be so carefree, when she held the weight of the world on her shoulders. A good sign of a good mom has to be one where the kids don't know the trouble they are in. Their very financial situation was daunting.

James, her high school sweetheart, recently passed away. Sally, who had been a stay at home mom since she graduated from school, had no work experience. How was she to pay the bills? They were so young. Life still much ahead of them. They shared dreams. None of which included her being a widow at 25.

Looking at the past due statements made her wish she could hop on the flying sailboat in her house and leave this moment. Oh how she wished she was five, running around with only the cares of which toy to play with.

She knew that the only way out of this mess right now was to pick up the phone. She hadn't spoken to her parents since the day they forbade her to marry James. The day she ran away and eloped despite them. She hadn't even called to tell them that three months ago her love of her life was killed in a car crash.

The black receiver resting on the desk seemed to pulsate and grow larger as she looked back and forth between it and the bills past due. She reached for it. Sweat dripping down her face. Tears soaking her cheeks. Nervous jittery fingers pressed out the memorized number. After what felt like an eternity and only two rings she heard that sweet familiar voice.

"Hello Dalton's residence." Greeted Kay, her mom. She had always been so formal.

Sally couldn't speak, her throat filled with sobs.

"Hello, who is this. Are you okay?" Kay asked as she heard silence and tears in the receiver.

'I can't do this' Sally thought to herself and hung up. Grabbing the tissue from the red floral box, she wiped her eyes, blew her nose and began to sob into her hands.

"Mommy, Mommy are you okay? Do you miss Daddy today? I do. I wish he could help me finish painting my boat." The little boy looked with his giant blue eyes straight into his mom's face, grabbed his hands and put them on her cheeks. "I love you, Mom." He said as he gave her a gentle kiss. He hopped off her lap and started to walk away. Such a sweet little guy. She loved him so much.

"I love you too! Very much so." She couldn't even explain to anyone the love she felt for her boy. A mother's love is so strong. She began to cry harder. Her mother had to still love her right? Even if it had been six years since they last spoke. Sitting up a little higher in her chair she reached once again for the phone.

After just one ring she again heard that familiar voice.

"Hi....Mom...It's......me.....Sally." She words came out, a little shaky but out they came.

"Oh Sally!! Oh sweet Sally, I am so happy to hear your voice. How are you? You don't sound well. What is going on?" Even after the distance, her mother still knew her well.

Burdens Made Light: Sally

With out hesitation she blurted out "James died, Mom." Which was followed by loud hard sobs.

"Oh sweetie, I am so sorry. How? When?" Sally's mom Ann asked and then waited for what was about five minutes for her daughter to answer.

"Mom its been three months. He was driving home from work. Another car hit him." She managed to say between deep breaths and gasps for air.

"Oh Sally, I am so sorry. I wish you had called sooner. What can we do for you." Ann was always willing to help and take care of people. Even if her daughter had married too young and with out their consent, she still loved her. She wanted to comfort her some how. She wished she could just reach out and hug her, give her a kiss and put a bandaid on her wounds and send her back out to play. Gone were those days and years. Years, it has been years since she had even spoken to her. If only she hadn't pushed her daughter away.

"Sally where are you living? I am going to come see you."

"Mom we live in Pleasanton, but you don't have to do that." Pleasanton was about six hours north by car of Sunnyvale.

"Yes I am." There never was any use telling her mom no, she never took it for an answer anyway, which is why they hadn't spoken for six years.

"Ok, I'd love to see you. But there is one other thing. I hate to ask. You did ask if there was anything I need. Well we didn't have a life insurance policy for James, and I have spent our savings already on paying everything." Sally began to explain. How do you not talk to someone for six years and then just ask them for money. Sally needed more than money from her mom right now too.

"Sweetie, I will be happy to help you out with anything. Can it wait until I get there? I am going to pack my bags and head out. As soon as you give me directions that is."

Address was given and good-byes where said.

Sally put down the phone, and lay her head on the desk on top of her folded arms. She cried. She even said a little prayer, thanking God for helping her make that call, for her mom in being quick to assist. She felt a calm comfort drape over her shoulders as if someone had just put a blanket over her back replacing the weight that seemed to be resting on them. This brought her a feeling that everything was going to be alright. It had to be.